A JAG Christmas Carol
by unwittysidekick
Summary: A JAG twist on the Christmas classic.


Disclaimers: None of this is mine

"So will you be joining us at the Roberts' tonight, Lieutenant?"

"I think not Commander." Loren said as she reached out and pressed the call button for the elevator.

Harm watched her, stifling a sigh. She had to have known that he'd already done that since he'd been standing there when she walked up.

"Why not, Lieutenant? It's Christmas." Harm said, in the spirit of Christmas making another attempt to include her.

"If you must know, Commander, I have other plans." Loren paused, her eyes dropping briefly to the files in Harm's hands before looking up to meet his eyes again. "Brandon flew in from Chicago this afternoon."

"Well bring him along with you, then. I'm sure Bud and Harriet won't mind. The more the merrier, right?"

"I think not Commander." She said again.

Harm frowned, uncertain if she was responding to his first comment or his last. Before he could decide, she continued speaking.

"We have an evening in planned for tonight."

"And you can't spare half an hour to make small talk with your co-workers?" Harm asked, suddenly losing patience with her attitude. "You know Lieutenant, you might try dropping the ice queen persona and instead maybe be a little friendlier towards your co-workers. It wouldn't hurt you to make the effort, and the results might just surprise you."

At his words, Loren's eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. She glared up at him. Unfazed, Harm glared right back at her. Loren opened her mouth to respond but before she could, the elevator doors slid open. Harm waited for two Petty Officers and a Lieutenant to step out before gesturing irritably for Loren to go in ahead of him.

But Loren just shook her head. "I think I'll take the stairs. Sir."

Turning on her heel, Loren stalked off in the direction she'd come from. Harm stared after her, shaking his head in disbelief.

* * *

"Merry Christmas Dad." Harm said, running his fingers over the letters of his father's name one last time.

The Roberts' Christmas party was no doubt still in full swing, but he'd left early, claiming he was feeling a little under the weather. The real reason though, as irrational as it was, was simply that he'd been unable to really enjoy himself because he was still stewing over his earlier encounter with Loren. Stopping off at the Wall on his way home, he still hadn't been able to get it completely out of his mind.

Stepping back, Harm slipped his glove back on and turned to go.  
_  
"You're making a mistake son."__  
_  
"Huh?" Startled, Harm turned back around. But there was nobody there. Nobody anywhere near him in fact, the closest person being several yards away. All he saw was his reflection in the monument. He started to turn away again.  
_  
"You're making a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of your life son."__  
_  
"Who's there?" Harm glanced around again. "Mac? Sturgis? If this is some kind of a joke, it's not funny."  
_  
"It's no joke son. But you're right, this is no laughing matter."__  
_  
As Harm watched, his reflection in the monument grew clearer and more distinct until he realized with a start that it wasn't his image he was staring at any longer.

A small corner of his mind wondered just what had been in that egg nog he'd drank earlier. Harm blinked his eyes, then rubbed them, but the image didn't go away.

"Dad?"  
_  
"Hello son. It's good to see you. Although I wish it were under better circumstances."__  
_  
"Dad." Harm started to reach out then stopped, afraid of disturbing whatever was making this possible. "What are you talking about? What mistake?"

But Harm Sr. didn't respond to the questions, just continued speaking.  
_  
"You're going to have three visitors tonight son. Pay attention to what they show you and take it seriously. There's still time for you to fix this."__  
_  
"Fix what?"

But the image was already starting to fade.

"No, Dad, wait!" Harm cried.  
_  
"I love you son."__  
_  
"Dad!" Harm reached out, his fingers bumping the monument as he made contact with it this time, but it was too late. It was once again his reflection he was staring at.

"I love you too Dad."

* * *

"Wakey, wakey Harm."

The words penetrated his subconscious and Harm stirred, slowly coming awake. After his experience at the Wall, it had taken him awhile to fall asleep. Blinking his eyes, trying to figure out just what had woken him up, Harm was startled to see someone standing in his apartment. Sitting up, he reached over to his night stand, and the handgun he kept in one of the drawers, then froze as his brain caught up to his actions and he realized he knew the person in the room with him.

"Luke?"

The man stepped further into the room. "Hey Harm."

Harm stared at Luke Pendry, dead for how many years now, and wondered if he was still asleep or if maybe he was going crazy.

Seeing Harm's hand still resting on the night stand, Luke grinned. "You wouldn't really have shot me, now would you?"

"How did you...? No, never mind." Harm said, finally pulling his hand back. He shook his head, muttering under his breath. "I really need to find out what Harriet put in that egg nog."

"Well, are you ready to go?" Luke asked as he walked over to the bed.

"Go? Go where?" Harm asked in confusion.

Luke just grinned, then laid his hand on Harm's shoulder -

-and suddenly they weren't in Harm's apartment anymore. They were standing in a corner of the living room of what appeared to be a modest little house. And they weren't alone. There were two other people in the room with them: a middle-aged man reclining in a Lazy Boy watching tv and working on his second bottle of beer, and a blond-haired little girl about six or seven years old decorating a Christmas tree. She finished putting the tinsel on and turned around and Harm braced himself for the screams that would come when she saw the two strangers in her house.

As if he could read his mind, Luke looked over at Harm. "They can't see us. They can't hear us. Go ahead and move closer if you want. This is why we're here."

After a moment's hesitation Harm did take a few steps into the room. There was something almost familiar about the little girl. He watched her walk over to an end table and sit down cross-legged in front of it. She leaned forward, resting her chin on it as she stared at a beautiful crystal star sitting there. Reaching out with one hand, she touched the tip of the star with one finger before slowly tracing the edges. Finally she got back up, going over to stand next to the man in the chair.

"Daddy, can I put the star on? Please?"

The man took another swig of his beer before answering. "No Loren. Leave it for your mother."

Hearing the name, Harm did a double take.

"But I'll be careful, I promise." The little girl, Loren, said, undeterred by her father's refusal of her request. She moved back over to the end table and picked up the star. She started walking back towards the tree. "See Daddy."

But she spoke too soon. In her hurry to get over to the tree, she didn't watch where she was stepping. Tripping over a fold in the rug, she lost her grip on the star as she fell. It hit the floor and shattered.

Sprawled on her hands and knees on the floor, she stared wide-eyed, her lower lip trembling.

Harm watched as her father's head jerked to the side at the noise. Seeing what had happened, he levered himself up out of his chair and stormed over to his daughter.

"Dammit Loren!"

Raising his hand, he brought it back down, striking her across the face. She cried out, her hand going to her cheek where a red mark was already appearing.

Seeing that, Harm felt something well up inside of him. With a growl he took a step towards the man. He heard Luke call out his name but he ignored him.  
Reaching out to grab the man, his hands passed right through him.

Harm pulled his hands back and stared at them in shock. Luke walked up behind him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"We're just here as observers Harm. We're not allowed to change anything."

Harm didn't respond, just growled again as the man turned away from Loren.

"Don't touch anything while I go get something to clean up this mess."

As he left the room, Harm walked around Loren so he was in front of her, then squatted down so he was at eye level with her. She was crying now, her hand still on her cheek, and his heart went out to her. He tried to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear but, just like with her father, his hand passed through her. He watched her turn her attention to the broken pieces in front of her. Ignoring her father again, she reached out and picked up two of the bigger pieces, trying to fit them back together. When they wouldn't, she started crying harder.

Harm looked up at Luke. "Why are we here? Why show me this?"

Luke didn't answer him, not directly. "That was the first time he hit her, but it wasn't the last."

As Loren's father came back into the room carrying a broom and a dust pan, Luke walked over to stand next to Harm.

"It's time for us to go now Harm." He laid his hand on Harm's shoulder again -

- and Harm woke up with a start, sitting straight up in his bed.

Realizing he was in his own apartment, Harm flopped back down onto the pillows. He scrubbed a hand over his face. That had been too vivid to have just been a dream. But it couldn't possibly have been real, could it?

* * *

"Hey Hammer, you awake?"

With a groan, Harm fought his way back to consciousness. It felt like he had just fallen back to sleep too. Opening his eyes, he saw his former RIO standing before him.

"Skates? What are you..." Harm paused as realization hit. "It wasn't a dream. That stuff with Luke, it really happened."

Skates nodded. Harm looked away, letting the implications sink in. If Luke had been real, then that meant that what he'd seen of Loren's childhood had been too.

Suddenly Harm jerked his head back towards Skates as something else occurred to him. "Skates are you... I mean, did something happen?"

Skates chuckled. "Christmas present this time Harm. I'm fine. Currently deployed on the Patrick Henry in the Arabian Sea. I was actually in the middle of a really good dream that I'd like to get back to, though, so..."

Gesturing with her arm, she indicated for Harm to go into the bathroom. Giving her a strange look, Harm got up out of bed and walked through the doorway into the bathroom -

-only to find himself standing in the hallway of another apartment building.

Disoriented for a moment, Harm glanced around finding Skates standing behind him. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. Harm had a feeling he already knew who's apartment building this was. Remembering that this was the present, Harm felt his earlier anger returning.  
Skates gestured to the door in front of them.

Harm shook his head. "No way. I do not want to see what's going on in there."

"Too bad." Skates said with a little grin. She reached out and gave him a push. Stumbling forward, Harm reflexively stuck his hands out so he wouldn't slam his face into the door. They passed through the doorway, though, along with the rest of him, and Harm found himself standing just inside Loren Singer's apartment.

He glanced around, curious in spite of everything. It didn't have a very homey feel to it. More like the occupant merely existed in this space. There wasn't even a Christmas tree. Harm felt some of his anger slipping away.

Hearing voices coming from what appeared to be the bedroom, Harm turned to go in the opposite direction but found Skates blocking his path. He tried to step through the wall to get around her but he didn't pass through like he thought he would and instead slammed his face into the hard surface. Rubbing his nose as he resigned himself to the inevitable, Harm turned and stepped cautiously into the bedroom.

But instead of finding Loren in the arms of a lover, he found her sitting cross-legged on the bed watching tv. She was in a pair of comfortable looking sweats, her hair down out of the bun she kept it in all day; an old homemade blanket was draped loosely over her shoulders. On the end table next to the bed sat the remains of a salad and a mug of hot chocolate. She was alone and, Harm suspected, had been the whole evening.

Confused, Harm glanced back at Skates.

"I don't get it. Why would she make all of that stuff up?" Harm paused, remembering what he'd seen earlier. "Wait. This has something to do with her father, doesn't it?"

Skates nodded. "The one person she should have been able to trust more than anyone else betrayed that trust in the worst way possible. Can you really blame her for being reluctant to let anyone else get close to her?"

"And the things I said to her earlier..." Harm grimaced. "I feel like such a cad."

Skates glanced over at him, giving him a once over. "Well, you are looking a little caddish."

She said it straight-faced but after a second the corners of her mouth curved up, letting Harm know she was kidding.

"It's time to go Harm." Skates said, once more serious.

Harm nodded. With one last look at Loren, he turned and followed Skates out of the room -

- and stepped back into his bedroom. Skates was gone and a quick glance behind him showed it was once again his bathroom he'd just walked out of.

* * *

"Ad...Commander, wake up."

Harm opened his eyes. With everything that was running through his head, he wasn't sure he'd actually fallen back asleep this time. Sitting up, he threw the covers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Look, this isn't really necessary. I already got the message, got it loud and clear. I'm gonna do better, treat her better. I'm going to apologize. And I'm...I'm going to try to be a real friend to her, at least as much as she'll let me. So can we maybe just skip this one?"

"Sorry. No can do."

Harm glanced over at the person standing in his apartment and frowned. It was a young man wearing a Third Year Naval Academy Midshipman's uniform. And there was something almost familiar about him. Harm glanced at his name tag but it was obscured by shadows.

"Have we met before?"

The young man shook his head, a mysterious smile on his face. "No. Not yet anyway."

Harm nodded, shaking his finger in his direction. "Future, right."

Harm fell silent a moment as his own words sunk in. He was gripped by a sudden apprehension as his father's words came back to him. "You're not going to show me something really bad that's going to happen, are you?"

"Nope." A genuine smile lit up the young man's face and once again Harm had the feeling that he'd seen that smile somewhere before. "Not even close."

Suddenly everything around Harm started going fuzzy. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to bring them back into focus. After a minute they did. But he was no longer in his bedroom. Instead he was in another apartment, this one brightly lit up and all decorated for Christmas.

The Christmas tree was off to one side and he saw Loren sitting on the floor in front of it, her legs tucked underneath her. She was wearing a U.S. Navy sweatshirt that was a few sizes too big and she had her hair pulled up into a sloppy ponytail. And standing next to her was a dark-haired little boy.

They were decorating the tree, Loren handing the ornaments to the boy who would then hang them up. As Harm watched, he hung the last one on the highest branch he could reach, then turned to Loren.

"Momma, can I put the star on now?"

Loren ran her fingers through the little boy's hair, dislodging a few pine needles. She shook her head at him. "You know you have to wait for your father to get home Alex."

Harm stared at Loren, unable to take his eyes off of her. This wasn't the same Loren he had just seen a few hours ago. And not just because she was a mother now. She seemed genuinely happy with her life. Harm wondered what, or who, was responsible for this change.

As if summoned by his thoughts, he heard the sound of a key being turned in the lock. He wasn't the only one who heard it. Spinning away from his mother, Alex went flying towards the front door.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" He cried as he ran.

Grinning at his eagerness, Harm turned just as the door swung open. The grin disappeared, though, as his jaw dropped and he stared in shock as_ he _walked through the front door. Harm watched himself drop a sea bag by the door and bend down just in time to scoop up the bundle of hyperactive boy charging towards him.

"Daddy, you're home!"

"Hey buddy, I missed you too."

Still holding Alex in his arms, 'Harm' closed the door and started walking towards the living room.

And Harm got his second shock in as many minutes as he got his first good look at the little boy's face. He turned towards the young man standing silently next to him.

"That's you?" Now he knew why the young man had seemed familiar. His facial features were a blend of Harm's own and Loren Singer's.

He nodded. "I was six years old that year."

Harm turned his attention back to himself. He was over by the tree now, Alex pointing out where he'd placed certain ornaments. He watched himself glance down at Loren. Seeing Loren struggling to get up, 'Harm' grinned, then held out his free hand to help her.

"Don't laugh." She said testily as she accepted his help. "It's your fault I'm in this condition."

'Harm' set Alex down so he could wrap both arms around Loren. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

"That's not how I remember it." He whispered in her ear.

She blushed and 'Harm' chuckled.

"So, how are my girls doing today?" He asked, moving to rest one of his hands lovingly on her slightly swollen belly.

Harm felt his jaw drop again as he realized that Loren was several months pregnant, and not just wearing a baggy sweat shirt as he'd originally thought.

"We're fine." Loren said, resting her hand on top of 'Harm's'. She winced, then used her hand to move 'Harm's' to another spot on her stomach. "She's really active today, though."

"Wow. You're not kidding." 'Harm bent down so he could rest his head on her stomach. "Think we have a future soccer star in there?"

Before Loren could answer, Alex started tugging at the sleeve of 'Harm's' shirt.

"Daddy, I want to put the star on now."

"Okay buddy."

'Harm' stood up and walked over to the mantle on the far wall. He picked up a crystal star sitting in the center and walked back over to Loren and Alex. He handed it to Alex, then picked his son up so the boy could reach the top of the tree. Harm stared, thinking how similar that star looked to the one he'd watched shatter at the beginning of the evening.

Glancing back at the mantle for a second, this time Harm noticed the pictures arranged on the shelf. Curious, he walked over. Picking up a framed wedding photo near the center, Harm stared at it, seeing how beautiful Loren looked and how happy he was. He glanced back over to the other side of the room, seeing 'him' and Loren laughing about something as the three of them hung tinsel on the tree. As he watched, 'Harm' dropped a few strands of tinsel into his son's hair.

"Daaaddy!" Alex cried when he realized what had happened. Turning towards his father, he put his hands on his hips and stared up at him with the fiercely earnest expression only a six year old could manage.

Harm watched them for another minute, thinking about what a great family they made.

He had just set the wedding photo back down and picked up another one, this one a picture of the three of them taken before Loren was pregnant, when everything started going blurry again.

"No! Wait! Can't I have just a little more time?"

"I'm sorry. You've seen what you needed to."

"Then at least tell me how this happened. How does it start?"

"I'll see you soon Dad."

Everything came into focus again and Harm was back in his bedroom, the morning sunlight just starting to peek into the apartment.

Harm dropped down onto the bed and put his head in his hands, thinking about everything he'd seen that night. Once again his words to Loren yesterday, and her response, ran through his head. But this time, instead of anger, he felt regret. He'd always taken her at face value and never really tried to see past that to the person underneath. Now he realized what a mistake he had was still time to fix it, though. That's what his dad had said last night.

But how?

The answer, when it came to him, was surprisingly simple. Throwing on some clothes, he grabbed his keys and dashed out the door of his apartment.

* * *

Hearing a knock at the door, Loren frowned. For a minute she was tempted to just ignore it, but then whoever it was knocked again, a little bit more urgently this time. Sighing in irritation, she left the kitchen, pulling her robe tighter around herself as she went. Hopefully she would be able to get rid of them quickly. Not bothering to check the peephole, she slipped the chain off and unlocked the door.

"Commander." Instantly her guard went up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize." Harm said. "I shouldn't have said those things to you yesterday. I had no right passing judgment on you that way. I'm sorry."

"Well, I..." Loren stuttered. That was the last thing she had expected to hear from him. "Thank you Commander. I accept your apology."

Harm breathed a sigh of relief. She wouldn't have said it if she hadn't meant it. In fact, in all likelihood, she would have told him exactly where to go if she hadn't.

"I also wanted to give you this."

Harm pressed a small box into her hands and waited for her to open it. He'd had to go to a dozen different stores before he found one that was still open and had what he was looking for.

Loren frowned down at the box for a minute, confused by his unexpected turnaround. Hesitantly she slipped the string off the box and took the lid off. Pulling aside the tissue paper, she gasped. Blinking back tears, she reached in and carefully pulled out a beautiful crystal star.

It was almost identical to the one she had accidentally broken when she was six. That couldn't possibly be a coincidence. But how could he have known about that?

Loren looked from the star to Harm.

"Merry Christmas Loren."

Loren carefully set the ornament back in the box and put the lid back on. After a long moment of internal deliberation, she looked back up at Harm.

"I was just getting ready to have breakfast." Loren hesitated a moment, biting her lower lip. "Would you...like to come in for a cup of coffee?"

Harm's smile lit up his face. "I'd like that."


End file.
